Voldemort Plan C
by xbekkarocksx
Summary: this story is what would happen if Voldemort chose a different plan of killing Harry Sorry that was really bad grammarI think that this plan is soo much easier and more sensible. PLEASE READ!
1. Chapter 1

**Sorry, I was half-asleep when I wrote this and it's not very good. But don't go away! Read it please! I am also sorry if I got any facts wrong. I mean, I've read all the books and everything, but I always forget all the little details.**

Chapter 1

He was pleased with this new plan. Voldemort raised the beaker to his lips. He flinched as the sour purple liquid filled his mouth. He braced himself as he began to change. The polyjuice potion was transforming him.

A small toddler stood with his jaw wide open outside the station. He stared wide-eyed at the changing man. The man was wearing clothes that were too small for him, until he started to shrink. 

"MUMMY!" he screamed, but stayed where he was, watching the transformation.

Then he started to laugh as a nose suddenly shot out of the man's face, where there had not been one before.

**(Can't you just imagine how funny that would be?)**

Voldemort scowled. He did not like people laughing at him. His fingers played with his wand, under his jumper. But, no. It was too risky. There were too many people about.

Voldemort felt out of place in this muggle station. He just hoped that the boy would arrive soon. Sure enough, a family soon walked up to the station. They all had shocking ginger hair. Except one. Harry Potter.

The two teenage boys walked over to Voldemort.

"Hey, Neville!", Ron greeted.

Voldemort remained silent. He was unused to being friendly. He thought that the boys would become suspicious if 'Neville' was not happy, so he attempted a smile. But Voldemort was not used to smiling. The boys jumped back.

"Neville mate, what happened to you? Do you have toothache or something?" Ron took another step back.

"Eew, it's not contagious is it?"

"No." Voldemort said matter-of-factly, hoping that he had said the right thing.

Harry frowned and his hand flew up to touch his scar.

"What's up?" Ron asked in concern.

"Nothing." Harry replied, "nothing."

He was obviously lying.

"Is it you-know-who again?" Ron guessed.

"Me?" said Neville/Voldy, assuming an innocent expression (he had been practising).

"What?" said Ron. "You're not Him!"

"No." Voldemort lied, "Of course not".

Ron and Harry looked at him suspiciously.

"Has your hearing gone too?" Ron asked. "Gee, you must be really ill."

Neville nodded solemnly. His fingers fiddled with his wand behind his back.

"So, where's your luggage?" Harry asked.

Voldemort hadn't thought of that.

"My Nan has it", he improvised, feeling quite proud of himself.

"Boys!" Mrs Weasly called.

The two boys looked round. This was Voldemort's chance. He drew his wand and cast a silent spell, his wand aiming at Harry Potter's back.

**Good cliff-hanger, huh! I know this story is lame, so please write some constructive comments so that I can improve for my next chapters. (THIS IS NOT THE END OF THIS STORY).**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, you thought Harry was dead, huh? Read on…**

Harry screwed up his face.

"I need the loo!" he gasped and ran towards the public toilets.

"Me too!" Voldemort echoed falsely. He chased after Harry.

Harry fumbled in his purse for muggle money to put in the machine.

"C'mon!" he cried in frustration.

Voldemort watched from a short distance away as Harry finally burst through the barriers. Voldemort chuckled at the boy's honesty and leapt over the turnstiles into the mens toilets, shoving burly men out of his path

**(which is quite impressive for someone in Neville Longbottom's body!)**

Voldemort burst open the doors of the cubicles, pacing up and down to see whether they were alone. They were. He smirked and light flashed from his wand, sealing the door of the toilets. It wasn't a great spell, but it would keep out those interfering muggles.

Sure enough, there came a furious thumping at the door as angry businessmen cried protests of rage. Voldemort chuckled. He was doing a lot of chuckling today. Harry turned round slowly.

**(Don't worry girls, he's finished doing his business and everything. Just in case you were having fantasies or fainting.)**

"Why have you locked the door, Neville?" Harry asked quietly.

MEANWHILE…

Ron was bored. His mates were in the loo and Hermione was probably on the other side of the wall, on the train. He looked around the building for a familiar face. Nothing but a bunch of grumpy commuters and an old lady.

An old lady who was running towards him…

…at great speed…

…waving her handbag like a weapon…

It could only be one person.

"Neville's Nan!" Ron laughed and pointed.

The Weaslys turned and looked. Sure enough, it was definitely Neville's Nan. There was no one else like her. She came puffing towards them. She arrived and leant on Ron's head ,who backed away in alarm, whilst she caught her breath.

"Neville!" she panted, "Where's Neville?"

"Gone to the loo with Harry", Mrs Weasly answered, "Why?"

"With Harry?" Neville's Nan cried in alarm, "Oh crap!"

She ran off again, leaving the Weaslys staring after her in alarm.

"What the hell?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Neville." Harry repeated slowly, "What are you doing?"

Voldemort shrugged, "Trying to kill you?" he suggested.

"But why?" Harry asked in confusion.

Voldemort rolled his eyes. "The youth of today…so dumb!"

"What?"

"Jeez! It makes me ashamed that you defeated me. If it was someone like Dumbledore…but you?" Voldemort sighed. "Oh well. I can rectify that problem."

Harry gaped. "Neville, what are you going on about?"

Voldemort banged his head on the wall in frustration. "I'm not Neville, you pea-brain! I'm Voldemort!"

Harry jumped back in alarm. "Be careful, Neville! Voldemort has gotten inside you somehow!" He drew his wand.

"AAAAARGH!" Voldemort cried. "YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"

Just then, there was a flash of light and Neville's Nan burst into the room. "Ta da!" she cried. "Harry Potter, I've come to save you from Voldemort!"

"Hey, these are the guy's loos!" Harry protested to the old lady.

Nan and Voldemort rolled their eyes. "This is the last time that I come and save you!" She promised.

"Save me from who?" Harry asked at the same time as Voldemort said, "Hey! I don't want you to save him!"

"FROM VOLDEMORT YOU DINGBAT!" Nan cried in exasperation and shot a Stunning spell at Voldemort.

"Why are you trying to attack your grandson?" Harry asked. "Don't worry Neville. I'll save you!"

Harry shot a stunning curse at Nan and she fell to the floor.

"You are sooo dumb!" Voldemort grinned.

"Oh yeah, you were trying to kill me. But I am so loving and forgiving that I decided to save you anyway!" Harry said proudly.

"No, you dumbarse. I am still going to kill you!" Voldemort explained.

"Well, that's not very nice. After all, you're supposed to be my friend, Neville." Harry pointed out.

"For the last time, I'm not Neville! I'm Voldemort!" Voldemort yelled. He was almost sobbing by now.

"Ohhhhhhhh!…" Harry said slowly.

"Finally!" Voldemort cried. "Now I can get on with killing you!" 

"Yeah!" Harry agreed. "Wow, Neville. I never knew you were such a good actor!"

Voldemort was getting really fed up with this. "Avada Kedavra!" he cried.

Harry dodged the jet of green light. "Hey, Neville! That was pretty good!"

"I'M NOT NEVILLE, I'M YOUR WORST ENEMY!!!" Voldemort yelled.

"Oi, Harry? Have you done in there yet?" Ron banged on the door.

"Yeah, okay!" Harry called. When Voldemort shot Harry an evil glare, Harry whispered, "He can be Dumbledore!"

Ron came in and saw a number of things at once: Neville's unconscious Nan, the half-demolished toilets and Neville slowly transforming into…

"AAAAAAH!" Ron cried. "VOLDEMORT!"

Harry looked at Voldemort. "AAAAAH! YOU'RE RIGHT!"

"NEVILLE HAS TRANSFORMED INTO VOLEMORT!" Ron screamed and ran around the room in a panic.

"Jeez, that boy is a bad influence on you." Voldemort told Harry.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry yelled and Voldemort's wand went flying across the room, poking Ron in the eye.

"I'm DYING!" Ron wailed terribly, clutching at his face and pretending to slump to the floor.

"Oh no!" Harry cried and collapsed on the floor. "My best friend is dead! DEAD!" He sobbed dramatically.

Voldemort looked from the squealing Ron to the sobbing Harry and back again. "Aaw, this is no fun!" he admitted and apparated out of the room. He looked at his to-do list.

Scare some little kids and possibly murder them. Harry Potter is a good choice, but anyone else will also do.

_Terrorise some feeble old men, preferably with the first name Albus._

_Make another Horcrux if nothing better to do._

_Buy a scary pet from the local store while the sale is on. It is narrowed down to fluffy white cat or a snake._

"Who do I know with the first name Albus?" Voldemort wondered. "Hmm…I'll have to check the phone book."

**The End (as you will have guessed).**

**Okay, I know that this story is really rubbish, but the second chapter was better. Have you read my other two Harry Potter stories? One is a Lily/James and one is a oneshot funny thingy. There is also a Marauders story coming soon!**


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